Movin' on up...

I filled out my enrollment to Penn State today. (Again, with the fractional possibility in mind that Syracuse could give me an obscene amount of money.)

It feels so good to know where I'll be for the next four years of my life. I can pick school colors now, I know my bedding has to be extra-long twin and that I don't need to buy a minifridge. I know what classes to take, what classes not to take, and to start thinking about the portfolio that I need to get into my major. I finally am finshed with applying and hoping. Now I'm filling out housing forms and looking at classes and sports. It's finally happening, it's finally real.

I love sitting around with my friends and talking about college. Most of us know where we're going, and we're pretty much all happy about it. We compare our schools, and everyone believes that theirs is the best of the bunch, but we'restill completely able to appreciate other people's choices. Plans about weekend get-togethers, and ways to stay in touch. Telling each other about our own plans, how we want our lives to look. Building castles in the sky.

It's not as scary as I thought. Like my Senior meet - the last home meet of my life. I always imagined that I would be crying and heartbroken and scared. It ended up being the most fun I've ever had at a meet. It didn't feel like I was losing anything. I felt like I had gotten everything I could from it, and I was really excited to be moving on, moving up. Even today I miss swimming. But then I think about what new sports I'll play, and who my new teammates will be, and what other things I'll love as much as that.

My senior year is the same thing, and I'm pretty sure my graduation will be just like this. I'm not really losing anything; I've sucked up everything high school life can give to me. It's hard to explain the feeling. I'm sitting here, I go to CCHS every weekday, I sometimes sit in the same room that I took 10th grade history in. But I'm not there anymore. When I was younger I could usually pick out the seniors, and now I know how. I knew that I was present in high school, I was still. Just by the way they talked with their teachers or played with their car keys I could pick out the people that were moving, that were already gone. Even when college seemed lonely and scary, I knew that once I got moving like that, I would more than be able to handle it; I would be ready for it.

Now I'm moving, and I'm ready. Not only can I handle college, I am so ready for it. I'm already off, I'm just waiting to walk across the stage to grab my diploma and make it official. And sometimes it is scary. But mostly it's a lot of fun.