Girl Rules

Tonight I was discussing with a friend all of the safety rules that women play by. Rules that they first heard of roughly when they were old enough to walk, and have had drilled into their heads since then. Rules that men could not dream up or begin to understand, yet are a universal part of a woman's life.

When you're at a party, get your own drink and never let it out of your sight. Don't put it down. Stand there with your hand over the top of it. If you forget and walk away from it, even turn your back on it for 5 seconds, get a new drink - yourself. If the restrooms are in a secluded area, take a friend with you. Do not leave alone.

When dating, for the first few dates drive yourself there - if you need to get away you can. Never be where there aren't people. Always have your phone on you. Drink very little, if any, alcohol. At the first red flag, the first harsh word or rough gesture, bolt. Impolitely, shamelessly, bolt.

Just getting from a building to your car is an adventure. If it's a crowded place in broad daylight, you should be ok. But if you kow you'll be walking through a fairly empty, dark parking lot, garage, or street, there are tons of things to remember. First, park under a light, driver's side facing the door you'll be coming out of. On the way to the car, periodically look over your shoulder. If someone is walking parallel with you on the other side of the lot/garage/street, find light and people. Carry your keys so that the car key is between your knuckles. Talk on your cell phone, or pretend to do so. Never listen to music through headphones. Carry your bag off one shoulder only. Head up, shoulders back, alert and confident posture. This all of course, is if you are alone. I've stood up to leave a group of friends and asked which guy wants to walk me to my car. I've walked with a girlfriend to her car, to have her drive me over to my car.

Then there are the basic rules. Guys tell me how they go for late night runs through their neighboorhoods. Not smart for a girl to do alone. When I'm riding my bike by myself, even in the middle of the day, I stick to the main roads. No public parks or beaches late by yourself, and even with other girls you have to be extra careful. Leave the car unlocked, face the beach access, and always have a little bit of you paying extra careful attention. When I applied to jobs, I made sure I would never be closing up the store on my own. If that was a requirement, I did not apply.

The presence of another guy is magic. At the Outer Banks I went on a walk with Melanie and Ange, and we got called to/yelled at by three or four different carloads of guys. Later in the week we went on a longer walk with more traffic, only we had one of Mel's cousins with us. One guy to three girls meant absolutely no harassment.

It's easy to forget how careful we have to be, because it is so constant and instinctive. But it is limiting. I hate not being able to leave a school football game on my own. I hate that I can never travel without a man or at least three other girls. I know that there will probably be nights if I'm living on my own when I call a friend over or visit a neighboor because I'll be scared to be alone. And no matter how strong, capable or feminist you are, if you are a smart woman, you will always be asking people to walk you to your car.