A Little Bit Of Ceremony

I learned something today. It is a Native American tradition for a person who has felt that they have overcome some great sorrow or trial, to cut off their hair and bury it. At first it just seemed strange, but then I got to thinking about it. As it turns out, I have been unconsciously participating in this tradition for years.

The summer after ninth grade, after I had discovered who I was and decided that I liked me, I cut about ten inches off my hair. It was short and grown-up and different from other high schoolers, and I still remember walking out of the hair dresser's that afternoon. I felt clean and thirty pounds lighter, and brand new.

I remember cutting my hair when I got back from Europe, right before my senior pictures. My hair had grown all fall and winter and spring, and a lot of trauma and pain had gone into it. After two weeks of absorbing sun and salt and cigarette smoke, I was able to cut inches off, leaving the strands on the salon floor. I remember looking at the forlorn pieces, remembering all of the mornings I had spent tearfully shampooing it. And when it was gone, it felt like so much of that weight had been swept up and thrown away with it.

Now, I am anticipating my first haircut in three months. I haven't touched it since before I went away to college, and in three months it's only grown a few inches. But those few inches have seen massive, life-bending changes. Friendships are either starting to break up, or grow and strengthen beautifully. I have moved out of my parent's house- I decide every aspect of my life, every day. I have found what I want to do with my life. Life has begun to happen to me, real life in all of its difficulty and bigness, and I have discovered that I can take it. I have discovered that even while life is hard, it can be good and worthwhile. I have discovered that I am going to be OK on my own, and that is a very big deal.

So, sometime next week I am going to get my hair cut. It will be the last child haircut, like the last baby tooth that you lost. And although I won't go so far as to ask for the clippings to bury in my frozen front yard, I will appreciate the ceremony of leaving them behind.