Winter Duldrums

So. I am bored. It's not like I don't have enough to do, believe me. With 3 APs spare time is not abundant. But that doesn't mean I can't be bored. Getting dressed has lately meant pulling on a pair of jeans and grabbing any random swimming t-shirt. All of my classes are basically the same, and the days with 3 hours of study hall and economics are killers. You know when you say a word so many times it loses all meaning? It feels like that's what's happening to my weekdays. Like I never really wake up or understand what's going on, I just trudge away with my head down.

It's this time of year that I want to just go. I mean, I always want to travel, but now is when I could so easily get into a car and drive and drive who knows where. Canada, Florida, California, just pick a direction and go. Not caring about the destination, just moving to move, going to go. Change of scenery, change of pace. New places to see, new people to meet, maybe friends to make. New stories to tell. Think some new thoughts instead of the old, stale ones. Wake up a little bit, see some more of the big picture.

I hate routine. I hate sameness. It makes me feel slow and sloppy and way too safe. I want challenges to figure out. I want that discomfort that pulls out and breaks up my insecurities. I want to go to bed at night knowing something that I didn't know when I got up just that morning. I want to get away from all of the tiny "important" things and see the ones that really matter. You don't grow in the same size fishbowl. You don't learn what you're made of when you're comfortable.

I know it's because midterms are coming up. I know it's because it's the blah-est winter of all time, and right after the holidays. I know it's because I'm a senior in high school. But I feel slow and stuck, and it seems like life in all of its brilliance is rushing right past me. And I'm missing out.