twice in one day

I was reading my old journals and I ran across this. It's from my very last day of swim practice, and I can't think of anything that describes growing up as I know it better:

"I was out last. I stood in the door for a bit just looking at the pool while four years of memories flickered through my mind. The diving well, the benches, the deck, the scoreboard. And then I said goodbye, and changed, and left.
I was surprised there was so little closure. I guess I thought there would be trumpets resounding inside of me, announcing the close of one chapter of my life along with strong feelings of accomplishment and peace. In reality I was standing alone in the hall with my heavy bag pulling on my shoulder and wet hair dripping down my neck, cursing myself for forgetting to turn out the locker room light.
It has occured to me that I alone can live my life many times before- I'm not a stranger to that aspect of growing up. But I've always seen it as a kind of exciting independence. Walking away from the pool today, though, I was alone. I was entering a part of life where my team can't come with me, where no one can come with me. And for those few minutes, standing in that silent hallway, I was afraid and very lonely.
But then I climbed into car, floored it on Buffalo road and got up to 60 with freezing air coming in through the windows and the radio cranked up. And I knew that this life that I now have to start building on my own will turn out alright- it will be good."