Is going to a college you like for four years too much to ask? Spending four years in the same place with the same people working on the same degree, and enjoying it, is that really so hard?

Apparently it is if you're me. I got my letter from Penn State today. I got into the school, but I got wait-listed to Univeristy Park. That's the main campus, the only one I'm interested in going to. So, they'll tell me by June first if I made it. Which is really cute, considering that you have to send you acceptance in by May first. Whose brainchild was that?

I applied too late. Penn State has rolling admissions, which means you can apply anytime during the schoolyear. And since I didn't know that I wanted their communications degree until too late, I missed the boat. I missed the boat by about a month. So unless either Penn State says "hey, you're in!" before May first, or Syracuse says "hey, here's admission to one of the most elite communication schools in the country, if not THE most elite, as well as an earth-shattering financial aid package," I have no idea what I'll to. Either three years at Niagara and Syracuse for gradschool, or two years in some Pennsylvania state school and then Univeristy Park. There's Hofstra, if I get a good deal. There's also MCC. Or finding a hole to curl up and die in.

Ok, so I'm being dramatic. It's hard when some of your friends are already signed up for a school this fall. And then the rest of them are sitting pretty on their acceptances, just waiting to see who gives them the biggest scholarship. They will probably spend their entire collegiate careers in one school that they like a lot.

It's hard to explain how heart-breaking this is. I hate high school. My mantra for the past two years has been "Fall of 2007. Just have to make it to college. Then I'll have arrived, I'll be learning what I love, I'll finally be starting my life." I'm sick of just getting through it. I'm tired of getting all of the crap out of my way. I thought that by this time next year I would finally be in a place that I want to be. When my Penn State letter came, it was supposed to be a wonderful reward for all of the killer work I have done. It was supposed to be the beginning of my life, the beginning of a good life.

I'm not saying I'm done. Something wonderful could still happen. I just thought I was done putting up with crap. I thought I could finally start getting to the good stuff. I thought that I was in the home stretch, that I could finally get my life started. Life was supposed to get better. Maybe not easier, but better.

I need it to get better.